Not Dates and Fashion Advice
by Unsuspected
Summary: "I guess I should have realized that a normal date was out of the question long before any of this happened."  Belated  birthday fic for Kelly.


I guess I should have realized that a normal date was out of the question long before any of this happened.

But, I mean, it had all been going pretty well. You know, before I almost died. (To be fair, though, almost dying is way too normal an occurrence for me.)

Still. It was supposed to be a good time. And I mean, I guess it was. Annabeth and I were supposed to see a movie ("because you owe me one," she had said, "for ruining what could have been a fantastic not-date"). And, in fact, we did. And she didn't even complain about all of the historical inaccuracies that were so obvious even I noticed, which, as she pointed out, was saying something. I did notice that she happened to have an extremely tight grip on the (extremely sticky) armrest.

So it was going pretty well.

Until a god with a designer purse showed up.

I mean, I guess I should have been grateful. At least it wasn't a monster, right? And I guess it might have been okay if, say, Demeter had materialized, just telling us to eat more cereal. I could live with that. But, no. We had to have our date interrupted by the god of fashion. Strictly speaking, that wasn't really his title, but he certainly acted like it was. I don't know why exactly, considering that when he wasn't talking about the latest mortal fashion trends (which was way too often), it was always about how busy he was. (And I guess that happened, when you supposedly had the Internet to run, along with a mail delivery service to maintain with two temperamental snakes as your only aid.) Maybe sorting through seemingly infinite emails got boring, though, because Hermes was, well, kind of a diva.

So, basically, when I saw him exiting some theater (joined by a herd of others, most of which seemed to be sort of uncomfortable with the mass of people, staring awkwardly at their phones), I had a pretty good idea that this wouldn't be much more of a successful date (or even not-date) than the one for which I was supposedly making up.

Annabeth must have noticed too, because she gave me this look like, "Do you plan these things?" (which I kind of felt like asking Hermes, honestly). What she said, however was, "I know you're not exactly known for your punctuality and all, but you might have noticed it's a bit late for some last-minute fashion advice."

I was about to reply, but Hermes interrupted us with a cough that might have been considered polite if it hadn't oh-so-subtly said, "If you don't shut up, incineration isn't out of the question." (Surprise: we shut up.)

"I've got a bit of a favor to ask of you."

I was tempted to mention the fact that the last favor I did for him involved nearly dying, but I figured the reply would be more of, "So does this one" rather than "I owe you one, buddy".

Annabeth, clearly trying not to look too annoyed said, "What is it," and, in a voice that was positively oozing with false sweetness and nothing at all like her own, "Lord Hermes?"

"It's kind of funny, actually," he said, fiddling with his scarf. "It actually shouldn't be too hard. You just sort of have to find my staff."

"Yeah," I said, before I could stop myself, "I'm sure it'll be a piece of cake. We'll be back in time for dinner, I'm sure."

Annabeth, of course, gave me a look something like, "Are you kidding me?" but with far more "you are so dead" and a lot less G-rated-ness.

She, despite glaring rather viciously at the fashionable god, seemed to be searching for an unoffensive way to say what she'd have liked to.

I was pretty sure she'd never find one, so I decided to go on, because after a long enough time, the whole this-god-is-going-to-kill-me-violently fear sort of wears off. "And the thing is, we've already got plans, if you haven't noticed. Could we maybe take care of this, I don't know, maybe a couple of weeks from now? I've kind of got exams next week. And, well, Lord Hermes," I said in attempt at respect, because, okay, I was kind of hoping not to be destroyed, "we're kind of on a date."

He gave a rather dramatic sigh, and adjusted his purse (I didn't want to ask) impatiently. I took this as, "I will literally crush you under my brand-new platform shoes."

Annabeth too seemed to reach this conclusion, because she suddenly seemed just as anxious as I was to agree.

Hermes thanked us, though I didn't see why considering the lack of choice we had. "And if you make it alive," he said, "I'll even buy you dinner."

He looked about ready to disappear, but before he did, he was sure to add, "As long as you retrieve my staff, of course."

"Well," Annabeth said, "we'll definitely remember this date."

I decided it was best not to add "as an embarrassment to the very word."

And I guess it worked out in the end, aside from the whole evil, fiery giant and the usual "I am so dead.", "Oh, I guess not.", and "That was lucky."

And, well, I guess Hermes must make a lot of money in that fashion business, because the promised dinner was pretty delicious.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Consider this author's note a formal apology to the entire fandom. <strong>**Because this is pretty much the last thing the archive needs. But I wanted to write from what we knew of the upcoming Percy POV story in the Demigod Diaries because **_**help I can't handle the emotions. **_**Also, I realize that it'd likely be set during second series, not just after TLO like I wrote. But that will be canon, and this is fanfiction, and I see no need for them to be precisely the same. That would be why t****his was written. But mostly for Kelly's (livingondaydreams) birthday, even though I am ridiculously late. (But it's still in the same month so...) Anyway, thanks for reading, and I hope this wasn't a total abomination.**


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